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Chapter 47. Wife Rebelling Against Her Husband

Allah, Most High says,

As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them first. Next refuse to share their beds and lastly beat them (lightly). If they return to obedience, seek not means against them (of annoyance); for Allah is Most High, great (above you all). (An-Nisa: 34)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"When a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, if he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning." [Bukhari and Muslim]

Another version from Al-Bukhari and Muslim is,

"When a woman does not spend the night in her husband's bed, and refuses him then He who is in heaven (i.e. Allah) remains displeased with her, till her husband has reconciled with her." [Muslim]

Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) related,

"There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted by Allah, nor do any good deed of theirs risen up to heaven: a fleeing slave until he returns to his master and helps him, a woman whose husband is angry with her until he is pleased with her, and a drunkard until he becomes conscious." [Ibn Hibban]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"The first things a woman is called to account for on the Day of Judgment are her prayers and her (relations with her) husband." [Suyuti]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"It is not lawful for a woman to fast (voluntarily) when her husband is present, except by his permission nor permit anyone into his house except with his permission." [Bukhari and Muslim]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Had it been permissible that a person prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife prostrate herself before her husband." [Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Ahmad]

Hussain Ibn Muhsan's aunt mentioned her husband to the Prophet (pbuh) who said,

"Evaluate yourself concerning your husband for he is your Paradise or Hell-Fire." [Ahmad and Hakim]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, while she is unable to do without him." [Hakim]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Whoever leaves her husband's house (without his permission), the angels curse her until she returns or repents." [Al-Mundhiri]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise." [Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Hakim]

Thus, it is obligatory for a woman to respond to her husband anytime and anywhere unless she has a legal excuse, menstruation or the like.

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread (cooking food)." [Tirmidhi]

It is unlawful to approach a woman during the time of her menstruation as stated by Allah:

Keep away from women in their curses, and do not approach them until they are clean. (Al-Baqarah: 222)

The Prophet said,

"Whoever has intercourse with a woman during her period has disbelieved in what has been revealed upon Muhammad."

"He who has intercourse with a woman during her period or sodomizes her is accursed."

This also applies to post natal bleeding.

A woman should keep in mind that there are some rights towards her husband she should observe. She should not spend of his money, or do anything without permission. She also should not revile or disgust him.

Al-Asma'i recounted, once I was passing by a desert and as met a very beautiful woman who had an ugly husband. I asked her, how did you accept him a husband? She said, give me your ear! He might have kept a good relation with Allah and thus He made me a reward to him. On the other hand, I might have disobeyed Allah and thus he made him my punishment.

Aishah said, "O women, had you known your husbands' rights, any woman among you would have wiped dust from her husband's shoes on her face"

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Your heavenly wife is the kind who, when her husband hurts comes close to her husband, puts her hand in his and says, I'll never sleep until you are pleased." [Al-Haithami]

A woman should also be: loyal before her husband, lower her gaze before him, keep silent when he speaks, stand when he comes, or leaves, offer herself when he sleeps, perfume herself, brush her teeth (with Siwak), be adorned in his accompany, leave aside what annoys him in his presence like slandering or in absence like treachery in bed, property or home, honour his family and kinsmen, and be content of what he brings however little.

A woman who fears Allah should do her best to obey Allah and her husband and seek his pleasures because he himself is her paradise or hell fire. The Prophet said,

"If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise."

"If a woman performs the five (prayers), fasts the month (of Ramadan) and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise from any gate she wants." [Ahmad]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Birds in the sky, whales in the water, angels in the heaven, the sun and the moon will all ask Allah to forgive women who obey their husbands so long as they are pleased with them. If a woman disobeys her husband she entails the curse of Allah, the angels and all people. If a woman makes her husband frown, Allah's wrath is upon her until she makes him laugh and pleased. If a woman leaves her husband's house without his permission, the angels curse her until she returns or repents."

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"There are four women in Paradise and they are: a chaste and an obedient one to Allah and her husband, patient, content, coy, and reproductive who guards her husband's property and herself in his absence and holds her tongue in his presence. A widow who devotes her life for her children and does not marry lest they fail. As for the four women of Hell-fire."

"The woman who has a shrew tongue and is vulgar towards her husband, who does not guard herself in his absence and injures him with her tongue in his presences. The one who charges her husband burdens greater than he can bear. The one who shows herself to men and goes out doors displaying her beauty. The one who does not concern herself except with food, drink and sleep. Further she is not eager to pray or to obey Allah and her husband, such a woman who in addition to that, leaves her husband's home without his permission is accursed by the people of fire until she repents to Allah." [Bukhari]

He also said,

"Having had a look at the fire, I found that most of its people are women. This is because, they do not always obey Allah, his Messenger and their husband's and display their beauty to other than their husbands."

"A woman is Awrah. Whenever she goes outdoors, Satan receives her." [Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban and Abu Dawud]

The closer a woman is to Allah, the longer she stays in her home.

The Prophet said,

"A woman is privacy. Thus, hold her at home. Because, if she is about to go outdoor, and her kinsmen ask where are you going? She says, 'I'll visit a patient, or I'll attend a funeral. Satan keeps on tempting her until she leaves the house. Thus, if a woman seeks Allah's pleasure, it is better to her to stay home, worship Allah and obey her husband." [Ibn Hajar al-Haithami]

Ali said to his wife, Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them both), "O Fatimah, what is the best thing for a woman? She answered, "not to see men or be seen by them". Ali also said, "Do you not grow jealous! When you let your wives walk among men and see each other!"

Once Aishah and Hafsa were sitting with the Prophet (pbuh) when Ibn Umm Maktum who was blind came there.

"The Prophet (pbuh) said, Cover yourselves from him." They replied, "We submit, O Messenger of Allah! Is he not blind and cannot see to recognize us. On this the Prophet (pbuh) said, But you are not blind and can see him." [Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi and Ahmad]

Thus, both men and women should not look at each other except because of necessity. Once there was a woman who used to display her beauty when she went outdoors. After her death, her kinsmen saw her in a dream standing before Allah dressed in transparent clothes. Then the wind blew and exposed her.

Accordingly, Allah rejected her and said take her leftward to the Hell-Fire since she was displaying her beauty to the world.

Ali Ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) said,

"I came to the Prophet accompanied with Fatimah but We noticed him weeping vehemently. I said, "I sacrifice you with my father and mother, Messenger of Allah. Why do you weep?" He said, "O Ali, in the night Journey (Isra) when I was taken up to the sky, I saw some women of my nation suffering some types of torture. Therefore, I wept because of their sever tortures. I saw a woman who was hanging from her hair and her brain was boiling. Another Woman was hanging from her tongue and a boiling fluid was being poured into her mouth. Another woman whose legs were tied to her breasts and her hands to her forehead and another who was hanging from her breasts. Another whose head was like a pig and body like a donkey and suffered million types of torture, and another woman who had the shape of a dog while the fire pierced her month until it left her body from the anus and the angels were also Scourging her with lashes of fire. Upon hearing that, Fatimah asked. O darling and the pleasure of my eyes, what were they doing to Suffer such torture? Then the Prophet said; O daughter, as for the woman who was hanged from hair, she would not cover her hair from men. The woman who was hanged from her tongue used to bring harm to her husband; the one who was hanged from her breasts cumulated her husband's bed. The woman whose legs were tied to her breasts and hands to forehead and suffering from serpents and scorpions would not clean her body from major impurity or menstruation, and neglected prayer. The woman whose head was like a pig's head and had a donkey's body was a talebearer and liar. As for the last one, she used to remind recipients of her charity to them and was envious. O daughter, woe to her who disobeys her husband." [Not sourced]

Muadh Ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him) related that the Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Whenever a woman causes annoyance and torture to her husband in this world, his mate from among the hour is of Paradise says to her: may Allah ruin thee, do not cause your husband annoyance, for, he is only your guest, and will soon leave thee to join us in Paradise." [Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban, Ahmad and Ad-Dailami]

Similarly, a husband is commanded to treat his wife kindly and tenderly. He should also be patient if she mistreats him. Food, clothes and kind treatment are also binding for a man to give to his wife. Allah the Almighty says,

But consort with them in kindness. (An-Nisa: 19)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"Listen! Treat women kindly, they are like prisoners in your hands. Beyond this do not use anything from them. If they are guilty of flagrant misbehaviours, you can remove them from your beds and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe punishment. Then, if they obey you, you do not have recourse to anything else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike to trample your bed and do not permit them to enter your home." [Tirmidhi and Ibn Hibban]

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

"The best of you is whoever treats his wife kindly." [Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban and Ibn Majah]

The Prophet (pbuh) used to treat women very tenderly. He (pbuh) said,

"Whoever remains patient with regards to the misbehaviour of his wife, Allah will give him a reward as great as Ayub's for his affliction. Likewise, if a woman keeps patient with regards to the misbehavior of her husband, Allah will give her a reward as great as Aishah's Bint Muzahim, (the Pharaoh's wife)." [Hakim, Mustadrak]

Once, there was a man who came to Umar to complain about the misbehaviour of his wife. While he was waiting for Umar by the door, he heard Umar's wife speaking to him indecently but Umar was keeping silent. Thereupon, the man went back and said, "If this is the case of Umar who was decisive and he was also the Commander of the Believers what about me?" Then Umar went out and noticed him leaving. He called him and said, "What do you want?" The man said, "O Commander of the Believers, I came to complain about my wife's misconduct and her indecency towards me but when I heard your wife I went back and said what about me?" 'Umar then said, "O brother, I endured her misbehaviour for some rights upon me to her: she cooked my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes and suckles my babies. She is not required to do such work. Furthermore, my heart is repelled from the unlawful because of her. Thereby, I endured her. "So is my wife, Commander of the Believers" the man said. Then, Umar said,

"Thus you should endure her. It is a short life we live in."

Chapters

Chapter 1

Ascribing Associates To Allah, the Most High (Shirk)

Chapter 2

Killing A Human Being

Chapter 3

Sorcery

Chapter 4

Not Performing The Prayer

Chapter 5

Not Paying Zakat

Chapter 6

Breaking One's Fast During Ramadan Without An Excuse

Chapter 7

Not Performing the Hajj when Able to

Chapter 8

Showing Disrespect to One's Parents

Chapter 9

Severing the Ties of One's Relatives

Chapter 10

Adultery

Chapter 11

Sodomy

Chapter 12

Accepting Usurious Gain

Chapter 13

Wrong Consuming An Orphan's Property

Chapter 14

Lying About The Prophet

Chapter 15

Fleeing From The Battlefield

Chapter 16

The Leader Who Misleads His Followers, The Tyrant And The Oppressor

Chapter 17

Arrogance, Pride, Conceit, Vanity And Haughtiness

Chapter 18

Bearing False Witness

Chapter 19

Drinking Alcohol

Chapter 20

Gambling (qimar)

Chapter 21

Accusing A Woman Of Adultery

Chapter 22

Misappropriating Spoils Of War, Muslim Funds Or Zakat

Chapter 23

Theft

Chapter 24

Highwaymen Who Menace The Road

Chapter 25

The Engulfing Oath

Chapter 26

Taking People's Property Through Falsehood

Chapter 27

Collecting Taxes

Chapter 28

The Consumption of Haram

Chapter 29

Suicide

Chapter 30

Telling Lies

Chapter 31

The Dishonest Judge

Chapter 32

Bribery

Chapter 33

Women Imitating Men And Vice Versa

Chapter 34

The Pimp and the one Who Permits His Wife to Fornicate

Chapter 35

Marrying Solely To Return To The Previous Husband

Chapter 36

Not Freeing Oneself Of All Traces Of Urine

Chapter 37

Showing Off In Good Work

Chapter 38

Learning Sacred Knowledge For The Sake Of This World, Or Concealing It

Chapter 39

Breach of Trust

Chapter 40

Reminding Recipients of Ones Charity To Them

Chapter 41

Disbelieving In Destiny (qadar)

Chapter 42

Listening To People's Private Conversations

Chapter 43

The Talebearer Who Stirs Up Enmity Between People

Chapter 44

Cursing Others

Chapter 45

Breaking Promises or Pledges

Chapter 46

Believing Fortune Tellers And Astrologers

Chapter 47

Wife Rebelling Against Her Husband

Chapter 48

Picture Making